“
The way that people talk about going on vacation is the way I talk about dying. They say how they can’t wait to get away, have a break, get to unwind and take the weight off their shoulders. But see, the weight on my shoulders is stapled to me, it’s attached to me like my shadow. We are one. There’s no escape.
They tell me that I have to change my perspective. That I should just let things go, I should be happier, I let things affect me too much. But tell me what I’m supposed to do when I’m in the middle of laughing and a truck drives by and my brain tells me that I should’ve jumped in front of it. Maybe my laugh shakes a little, my smile falters, I look a little distracted, as I ignore it the same way I ignore a fly buzzing near my ear. But how do I ignore something that demands my attention? That yells at me until I hear it, that prods at me until I feel it? Tell me how I’m supposed to overcome my depression by “just being happier” when it has become ingrained in every fibre of my being. I am it and it is me and I will not have my vacation until we are separated. Until I am dead and no longer feel anything and cannot even enjoy the silence.
”
— Don’t mourn me when I’m gone, rejoice because though I will be nothing, at least I will be at peace - Jess Amelia
“I was young and stupid and gave them too much of myself that even now, years later, I’m still trying to recover from the loss of all those pieces of my heart.”
— I kid you not my heart is like Swiss cheese - Jess Amelia
“Don’t tell her you love her unless you truly mean it. Don’t say it because you want to love her or you’re trying to.”
— Don’t make her fall for you unless you’re certain that you’ll catch her - Jess Amelia
“
He asked me, frustrated, “why does everything have to be so extreme with you? Why can’t things be normal?” I guess by “things” he really meant “you.” And I almost opened my mouth to apologize for being a mess, for being too much, for being me.
But no, I have every right to feel what I feel, just like he does. I will not apologize for feeling things more strongly than most. Maybe he would understand if he felt how his words can feel like knives and how the disappointment I feel when he lets me down is crushing.
I will not apologize for feeling so much in a world that is constantly encouraging me to feel less, to be smaller, to be quieter. I will not be anything less than who I am.
”
— Jess Amelia
Loving him was drowning me and instead of trying to save me, he was the current that kept slapping me around until I was so disoriented I couldn’t fight anymore.
But he still won’t be the death of me - Jess Amelia
““I know that you’re still in love with him and that’s why I must tell you this. While you’re here holding on and fighting, he’s already given up and let go. He’s there for you if you need a friend but he isn’t there. It doesn’t matter how many times a day he messages you or what he messages you about because he’s sending it to you as a friend even though he’ll never be just a friend to you. And that’s why you need to let him go,” my best friend told me one day after too many tears were spent on him.”
— Wake up call - Jess Amelia (via jess-amelia)
Anonymous asked
I would never have found myself in this situation has it not been for the exclusivity. I feel like everything we did must have been a lie. And it just hurts so much that he doesn’t care. Like he never gave a fuck about me. And I believed every thing he said to me. Things aren’t different because my expectations have changed, it’s because initially we used to talk all the time. And now he barely texts me. But now I feel like all that was a lie too. What do I do? I feel devastated. 😞(2/2)
I think it’s time to appreciate the memories and moments you shared, but pack them up and put them in a box in the back of your mind so you can move on. You deserve someone who is ready for a relationship and wants to commit to you, who can treat you the way you deserve, and will cherish you :)
Anonymous asked
I’m the anon who messaged you about the exclusive fwb. This guy asked my friend if she wanted to hook up with him. He didn’t know that she was my friend. So I confronted with about the exclusivity and he said that I can go around being with other people. He was very clear in the beginning that we wont go ahead with this if I don’t agree with that. He has changed his words. Despite of the fact he asked my friend to hook up he says that he is keeping up his end of the bargain. I feel horrible(1/2)
“I give too many pieces of myself to others that it’s so easy for them to hurt me, break me. If I could just learn how to keep the pieces for myself, I wouldn’t be so sad all the time. But I don’t know how. I don’t know how to love someone without giving them everything. I don’t know how to open up while hiding parts of me away.”
—
I don’t know how to balance it all - Jess Amelia
Anonymous asked
How do I get over the pain caused due to falling for someone who doesn’t care about me. There is no way to put it other than this. He doesn’t care. He was so interested initially. And just when everything seemed to be going ok, he stopped communicating. I even asked him to tell me if he isn’t interested to meet me anymore or if he is bored. He said he isn’t bored and wants to meet. But things are different. We were in an exclusive fwb thing. Because of the exclusivity,I started falling for him.
It kinda sounds like he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship…it’s one thing to agree to sleep with just one person, but it’s an entirely different thing to be in a relationship. So while you feel he doesn’t care, maybe it’s just because you have different expectations now that you’ve fallen for him. Things are different because your feelings have gotten stronger while his may not have. Maybe just tell him how you’re feeling? Or try to distance yourself…I don’t know. In my opinion, fwb always ends in heartache. Someone falls and hopes that the other will too since they’re “closer” than regular friends but there’s usually a reason that someone just wants fwb and that doesn’t necessarily just go away, even if that person ends up developing feelings too (and it is no one’s fault, doesn’t mean you’re not worthy or amazing). Just be careful darling, your heart deserves someone that will cherish it.
Anonymous asked
I used one of your posts for my HW. Thanks !
For inspiration or plagiarism, I wonder?
Anonymous asked
I think I’m moving on and doing well but everytime I see him it kind of shakes up my whole world. I shake and I don’t know what goes on in my head. It sucks. I wish I could move on and pretend none of it ever happened. He broke me far too many times but here I am still being weak for him.
Why pretend like it never happened? Why do you want to erase that experience? It hurts because it’s over but please don’t regret something that once made you happy, you once wanted more than anything. Mourning the end of a relationship isn’t being weak. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to recover. You shake because losing him shook your world. Slowly, the holes he left in you will heal and you won’t hurt when you think of him. I still smile sweetly when I think of some of my exes, even though it’s been years.
“She kept rearranging her furniture as if that would erase his presence from her room, as if that would transport her to a new place where he never existed.”
— If anything, it just left her feeling more empty - Jess Amelia